Don't Ever Gamble. You Might Win.

When Sal first told me he was a really good gambler I rolled my eyes. I remembered my friends back home hustling and getting hustled in Texas Hold 'Em at the local greyhound track. "No really, I'm pretty good. I play the odds and I use tells. Seriously, I win pretty often."

"Tells" are subtle gestures people make unconsciously which reveal what sort of cards they might be holding. Slumped shoulders, for instance, shows a weak hand, while shaking hands suggests a strong hand. Of course, these tells really only work on beginner players, because just about every experienced player is familiar with the most common tells, and what they all mean.

When we finally found a place to test out all of Sal's gambling trash talk, we were in Hot Springs, North Carolina. There was a little video blackjack machine in the back of an old convenience store with a laundromat built into it. Sal sat down at the machine and immediately put in a five dollar bill. What a moron, I thought to myself. Five bucks down the drain.

He started playing, and my lack of interest in gambling quickly made me look at what other games were in the convenience store, and there it was. 1945 Plus. The game I have wanted to beat since I was 12, but never had the money. I looked in my pocket and realized I had a 10 dollar bill with nothing to spend it on. I got quarters for my cash, and 45 minutes later I had beaten the game and made the high score and fulfilled a childhood fantasy. I will now die a happy man.

Sal meanwhile was still playing the stupid video blackjack machine. I went over to his machine to see what sort of score he had. Huh. Up 200 dollars.

"Hey Sal, does this machine pay out money?"
"What? No, naw, they usually only pay store credit, but I don't think this game does."
"Well, it has a pay out button, why don't you push it just to see?"
"Huh? Oh yea, it does, alright."

He pushed the button and out came a receipt for 10 dollars. He pushed the button again. Another 10 dollar receipt.

$200 is a lot of booze.

An older man with a pipe playing Turkey Hunter came over to see what all the ruckus was about. He looked at us, looked at the machine, and then asked to buy our tickets. Sal went into bartering mode, and in under 2 minutes had $180 cash in his hand. I couldn't believe it.

Sal went back the next day to the same machine with a five dollar bill. This time, he only made $110, tough luck for an hour's worth of "work". I hate gambling.

There is a lesson to all of this. I just don't know what it is.